Spit-up On My Shoulder

Hi Moms,

Another blog for new moms that I recommend is New Mom Central. Here’s the intro to the site from blogger Cheryl Wenzel:

Are you a first time mother or expectant mother? If so, I hope that this blog will be helpful for you as you transition into your new life role. Becoming a mother is a wondrous opportunity and miracle, but it can also be confusing, exhausting, and stressful. My purpose with this blog is to try to make the transition to motherhood less stressful and more joyful, especially during those important first three months postpartum.

Cheryl is currently seeking advice from real moms, like you!, to share with new mothers. Email Cheryl at: mamamiacher@yahoo.com with your answer to: “If there was one (or more) things that you wish someone would have told you before you became a mother for the first time, what was it?”

Cheryl will be doing a regular monthly post titled, “Advice From Other Mothers,” that will give “real live” advice from “real live” moms. Look for my contribution in the February 19th post that is currently on the front page of her blog.

If you have some sage (or not so sage) advice that you would like to give to help women make their transition to motherhood a little easier (or at least more understandable), please email Cheryl and share your knowledge. Other moms will appreciate it! I look forward to reading your words of wisdom.

Did you hear about this? Until 7 p.m. Chicago time today you can download Suze Orman’s 274-page book Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny for free as a pdf file. I just did it and it took 5 seconds to download. I did need to download Firefox first since I didn’t have it, but you can download Firefox for free at this link.

To download Orman’s book, go here, then scroll down and click on Women and Money. There are English and Spanish versions.

If the link above doesn’t work for you, go to the Oprah site and click on the prompt for yesterday’s show in the left-hand column, then follow the prompts.

I’m really excited because I’ve been wanting to read Orman’s book for awhile since many people have told me how good it is. The retail price for the print version is $24.95.

Happy reading!
Melanie

Dear Readers,

I have a new feature at the blog. You can now subscribe for free to Spit-Up On My Shoulder. As a subscriber you will only receive an email when I post a new entry. No new post, no email. Now you don’t have to remember to check back here to see what’s new. Subscribe and you’ll always get the scoop!

Click on the Subscribe message at the top of the left-hand column (sign-up is quick) and you’re on your way. Never miss a new post again!

Cheers,
Melanie

We’ve been upped again in the health care field by the French. Check out this New York Times article on perineal re-education by an American writer currently living in Paris.

Here’s an excerpt:

After a woman [in France] has a baby, perineal re-education shapes up her stretched-out birth canal. It also strengthens her pelvic floor for the next child, and helps keep her from leaking a little bit every time she sneezes. My doctor prescribed 10 sessions of it after my daughter was born. (American doctors typically suggest just doing some Kegel exercises, if anything.)

In France, making mothers good as new is a matter of national interest. The state health system pays 60 percent to 100 percent of the cost of re-education for all women after they give birth, and private insurance plans typically cover the rest. I finally solved the mystery of how Frenchwomen fit back into their skinny jeans six weeks postpartum: the state pays for abdominal re-education too.

I saw The Business of Being Born in December and highly recommend everyone (men too!) see it. It’s one of those movies I wish every American would view so we can start making changes that give women more choices about birth.

Movie Synopsis: Birth: its a miracle. A rite of passage. A natural part of life. But more than anything, birth is a business. Compelled to find answers after a disappointing birth experience with her first child, actress Ricki Lake recruits filmmaker Abby Epstein to examine and question the way American women have babies.

The film interlaces intimate birth stories with surprising historical, political and scientific insights, and shocking statistics about the current maternity care system. When director Epstein discovers she is pregnant during the making of the film, the journey becomes even more personal. Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as a potentially catastrophic medical emergency?

The Business of Being Born will be shown in Sacramento in March as a benefit for Chicks In Crisis. Chicks in Crisis is dedicated to reducing the number of infants facing abandonment, foster care, abuse, or death by giving pregnant women in crisis the opportunity to make informed choices for themselves and their children, while developing the skills necessary to become productive members of the community.

If you can’t make the Sacramento screening, go to the The Business of Being Born website here to find information on where you can see it in your area and to view clips from the movie.

Sacramento screening: The Business of Being Born

Thursday, March 13, 6:30 pm
Esquire IMAX Theatre
1211 K St., Sacramento, CA 95814
www.imax.com/sacramento
(916) 446-2333

Tickets: $20/includes small popcorn & soda

Tickets available at the Chicks in Crisis Store, 8359 Elk Grove Florin Road, Suite 103, Sacramento, or call Chicks in Crisis Toll Free at (888) 208-8086 or locally at (916) 441-1243.

This post may sound like an ad, but I’ve recently found two new products that I love and want to share with you. I’m happy to promote both of these products because I think they are great.

1) Neutrogena Energizing Sugar Body Scrub, Fresh Citrus, six ounce jar - I have dry skin, which only became drier after having kids. I also swim year-round and the chlorine does a number on my skin, making it dry and itchy, particularly in the winter. Lotions help, but I still get rough elbows and other rough patches.

The first time I tried this exfoliating scrub, I noticed how much smoother my elbows and skin felt. The fresh citrus smell wakes you up and the scrub didn’t dry out my skin at all - just left it smooth. I’ve only been using it a week, but my skin feels so much better. The retail price is $10.99, but you can get 2 for $18.02 at Amazon by clicking here.

2. Levi’s Perfectly Slimming 512 Jeans - Finding a pair of jeans that fits well has been a lifelong problem for me, and probably for you too. My butt size is bigger than my waist size (the difference became more pronounced after childbirth–my butt got bigger!), so most jeans fit one area well, but not the other.

I’ve finally found a comfortable pair that fits! The Levi’s 512 jeans are boot cut, have a tummy slimming panel (you’ll never know it’s there), are made of stretch denim, and sit at and fit my waist with no gap of fabric at the back of the waist. Yea! No belts (I don’t like wearing belts as they rarely fit me well either and ride up in the back), a comfortable, flattering fit on my butt, and they make me look taller and slimmer. I don’t say this often, but I love these jeans!

I’ve seen retail prices up to $46, but found the jeans for $29.98, including free shipping, at Denim Express.

Let me know if you try either of these products and what you think. Here’s to a more comfortably dressed, softer-skinned you!

Dr. Shoshana Bennett is a licensed psychologist who founded Postpartum Assistance for Mothers in 1987 after her second undiagnosed postpartum illness. She is also the author of Postpartum Depression for Dummies and Beyond The Blues.

Last Monday, the 14th, she was a guest on the TV morning show The View From The Bay. In an information-packed five minute segment, she covers how to tell the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression, how to find help, and what mothers need to do to take care of themselves. You can view a video of her appearance here.

I’ve attended Shoshana’s workshops and she is a wealth of information about postpartum mood disorders and new mom care. To contact Shoshana or to get more information about postpartum depression, go to drshosh.com.

Can a caesarean section feel as natural as a vaginal birth? Yes, according to Professor Nick Fisk , an obstetrician in London. Fisk is the pioneer of a movement to slow down the delivery of the baby during a c-section and allow the parents to participate more in the birth. Instead of being separated from the birth by a drape, a “gentle” caesarean allows the parents to view the birth and for the baby to be delivered to the mother’s chest for immediate skin-to-skin contact.

According to a December 2005 article in The Guardian, Dr. Fisk says, “What I realized was that caesareans were done a certain way because they’ve always been done a certain way, but in fact they can be done differently - and in a way that parents love.”

Other doctors are sometimes shocked when they hear what Fisk is doing. “They say, but surely you have to get the baby out fast so she can get oxygen straight away? And I say, when the baby is being born she’s still attached to the umbilical cord and is still getting oxygen from the placenta. Caesarean birth can be gentle, just as vaginal birth can be gentle. Obstetricians are too hung up on getting from the point of incision to the birth of the baby as quickly as possible: that’s been the benchmark of a skilled surgeon. But I’m challenging that because, from the baby’s and from the parents’ point of view, it’s not very helpful.”

Read the entire article, including a description of one family’s experience of a gentle caesarean, here.

Thank you to my doula friend, Consie, for tipping me off about this caesarean method. I’m surprised we haven’t heard more about it in the U.S. considering Dr. Fisk has been using the method for years. In a gentle caesarean, parents feel more involved, breastfeeding is easier because there is skin-to-skin contact right after birth instead of the baby being whisked away, and the babies are calmer because the birth occurs slowly.

If you’ve had a caesarean section, what do you think of the gentle caesarean philosophy? I highly encourage pregnant women to explore this method more so they can discuss it with their doctors. American doctors need to get on the bandwagon about it! Many new moms I’ve worked with found their caesareans to be a traumatic experience. Why not make this surgical procedure better for both babies and parents?

What happened? The holidays just flew by and it looks like none of my work took a holiday. Funny how that happens! I do have a new cool 2008 calendar/planner that it’s fun to fill in, but I’m trying my best not to overload it.

My goal is to make 2008 as stress-free as possible. Since my head is still spinning from the holidays, I’d better ease into this year slowly or I’ll be worn out by February. Can you relate?

Today we are finishing our interview with Amy Nobile and Trisha Ashworth, the authors of I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, a very funny and informative book that will help you discover how to love modern motherhood as much as you love your children.

MB: What are your thoughts on how women can come to peace about hiring help (housecleaning, babysitting, etc..)?

A&T: It all comes down to prioritizing. For some families, the most important thing is not the cooking of the meal, but the quality time and conversation–so ordering out or getting pre-made meals is a great solution. Some moms hire help to ensure that they’re nurturing themselves and/or their relationships, which is really important. We are feeling way too guilty for taking care of ourselves when that SHOULD be a huge priority.

MB: I loved your suggestions for discussing expectations with your husband, and also how you helped me to see things more from my husband’s perspective. Please share some of those ideas with my readers.

A&T: It’s important to sit down with your spouse and discuss what expectations you each have of each other. Who will be the primary breadwinner, and for how long? Who will do the dishes? Who will get up in the middle of the night? It’s amazing how regular, ongoing conversations about these things can set up a positive environment and eliminate unnecessary stress.

MB: Why can’t women give themselves permission to take care of themselves? Please discuss the importance to moms and their children of role-modeling self-care.

A&T: Our kids are watching us! They are learning from us and, if we’re not taking care of ourselves, they will eventually come to know that as ‘normal.’ If we are saying ‘yes’ to everything and putting ourselves last, it will negatively affect them. Remembering that helps keep our focus on taking care of ourselves as well as our families.

MB: I found it so hard to live in the present moment when I was a new mom. What suggestions do you have for focusing on the here and now?

A&T: One mom with older kids told us that she now realizes that the small moments are really the big ones–the ones that count. Don’t forget when you’re in a hard phase, it will quickly pass–but also cherish the good phases because they too will pass. Even just breathing into a sweet moment once a day with your child can help you stay centered.

MB: Please tell us about your new book coming out in the spring.

A&T: Our new book is called Dirty Little Secrets From Otherwise Perfect Moms. It’s a compendium of dirty little secrets–which are really the clues to what’s going on for moms today. It was really fascinating and fun to put together!

MB: Thank you so much, Amy and Trisha. It was great to read your book and to get your insights on how moms can stay true to themselves, align their expectations with reality, and make peace with the choices they make. Every mom (and dad) will find I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids helpful.

Today we continue our interview with the authors of I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids. Amy Nobile and Trisha Ashworth have written a book that any mom can relate to. From interviews with over 100 women, they uncover the guilty secrets moms hide and provide real solutions to step out of the craziness, lower your stress, and find balance.

If you missed Part 1, go here.

Part 2:

MB: I love how you discussed the mental and emotional work involved in running a home, particularly all the decision-making, in your book. How can we learn to validate and honor all the work mothers do in the home?

A&T: So many moms we talked to felt like the ‘work’ they do in the home is just mundane and not very valuable, which is not the case. In many instances it’s a simple ‘thank you’ from our spouses that would help the situation. But, at the end of the day, we have to realize that whether we’re working at being a stay-at-home mom or going to an office very day, we’re making the best conscious choices we can for our individual families.

MB: Why do moms need to let go of perfectionism?

A&T: What we learned is that our expectations as moms are so out of whack and our lists of ’shoulds’ are growing out of control. We’re not making conscious choices. We’re so overburdened with what we think we should be doing that we’re losing focus on what’s really important.

We need to start realigning our expectations with reality, letting go of some of the pressure, and stop looking over our shoulders at what other moms are doing.

MB: Why do you think it’s so hard for mothers to be at peace with the choices they make?

A&T: Moms today are constantly questioning their choices in part because there’s not one ‘right’ path to being a good mom in today’s world (versus the past generation). We’re trying to validate our choices and so we’re judging other moms, and then wondering whether our choices are right.

Once we sit down and prioritize what’s important for our families, and then make choices that are right for us, it’s crucial to truly make peace with those choices. That way we at least have a shot at letting go of the guilt that plagues nearly all of us.

MB: Please discuss mother-guilt and why it is such a big issue for women.

A&T: Guilt stems from overblown expectations. If we take on too much, and focus too much on what others expect of us, we’re inevitably going to feel guilt for not living up to those expectations. So we need to sit down and sort out what expectations we’ve taken on, where they stem from, and how we can re-prioritize and let some of them go.

Next time: The final installment of my interview with Amy and Trisha. See you then!