Spit-up On My Shoulder

Check out this interview with Kim Raver, an actress from Lipstick Jungle, called, “What Every New Mom Must Know.” It includes four comfort food recipes that Kim’s mother brought her when she came home from the hospital. If you’re due, you might want to let it slip to friends and family that you would love the same recipes yourself after you give birth.

I loved so many parts of the seven things on Kim’s list. She’s very honest about those early months of motherhood and, for those of you who have already given birth, you’ll recognize yourself when she describes the chaos and stress that can come with a newborn in the house. I hope some of her ideas will help you get more rest and lower your anxiety level.

I also love that she mentions skipping. I wrote an article about skipping for adults years ago. You can learn more about skipping here. You can’t help but smile when you skip, and it burns more calories than running! Try skipping for a block and you’ll see why.

Becoming a mother makes you feel so much more empathy for other mothers, including ones you will never know on the other side of the world. My compassion for other mothers and my desire to help someone in distress drastically increased after I gave birth.

That’s why I want you to know how much I value the hard work you are doing as a parent. Right now you might feel that no one appreciates you or can see all that you do. Even though I don’t know you, I appreciate how hard your job is. I honor you for choosing the highest calling–Mom. Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and the scariest.

I can feel how hard you are working. Let yourself off the hook whenever you can. Don’t demand perfection. You are perfect the way you are–a mother who loves and nurtures her children, but also needs to nurture herself and let others nurture her.

You are doing an amazing job even if you’re having a bad day with your children. That’s when more than ever I know how hard your job is. Let peace and love from other mothers support you and guide you through any difficulties you are having.

Last Monday, (2/25), a report was released by the U.S. Census Bureau titled, “Maternity Leave and Employment Patterns of First-Time Mothers.” I found the charts and statistics fascinating in the report as a window into how women’s lives have changed since the 1960s.

The report first analyzes trends in women’s work experience prior to their first birth and the factors associated with employment during pregnancy. Changes are placed in the historical context of the enactment of family-related legislation during the last quarter of the twentieth century.

The next section identifies the maternity leave arrangements used by women before and after their first birth and the shifts that have occurred in the mix of leave arrangements that are used.

The final section examines how rapidly mothers return to work after their first birth and the factors related to the length of time they are absent from the labor force.

In addition to updating childbearing, employment, and maternity leave trends, the report provides details on changes many new mothers experience in the number of hours worked, pay level, and job skill level after the first birth. These changes are examined in relation to whether a woman returned to the same employer she had during pregnancy or changed employers after the birth of the child.

A portion of the conclusions from the report are pasted below including this line: “In addition, more women are working within a year of giving birth (64 percent in 2000–2002 compared with 39 percent in 1976–1980 and 17 percent in 1961–1965).”

We all knew mothers returning to work within the first year after birth had dramatically increased since the 60s. My question is, why are childcare options still so poor in this country considering 64 percent of families need high-quality, affordable care for their babies?

Wherever you stand on the “beaten to death” debate of at-home parents vs. parents who work outside the home, I think we all can agree that children need and deserve high-quality care.

REPORT CONCLUSIONS

Since the 1960s, women have experienced gains in education beyond the high school years and have continued to delay childbearing to older ages. The work experience of women both before and during the pregnancy preceding the birth of their first child has also increased. Women are more likely to work both before and during their pregnancy than they were 30 to 40 years ago and are working later into their pregnancy. Sixty-four percent of women who worked during their pregnancy in 2001–2003 did so into the last month of their pregnancy. In addition, more women are working within a year of giving birth (64 percent in 2000–2002 compared with 39 percent in 1976–1980 and 17 percent in 1961–1965).

One in four women quit their jobs before or shortly after the birth of their child in 2001–2003. Paid leave benefits were received by 49 percent of pregnant workers in 2001–2003; 39 percent of pregnant workers received unpaid leave; and 9 percent took disability leave. Data in this report also show that 83 percent of mothers who returned to work within 12 months of their child’s birth returned to their same employer. Women who returned to their same employer had a good chance of returning to a job with the same pay, skill level, and hours.

Hi Moms,

Another blog for new moms that I recommend is New Mom Central. Here’s the intro to the site from blogger Cheryl Wenzel:

Are you a first time mother or expectant mother? If so, I hope that this blog will be helpful for you as you transition into your new life role. Becoming a mother is a wondrous opportunity and miracle, but it can also be confusing, exhausting, and stressful. My purpose with this blog is to try to make the transition to motherhood less stressful and more joyful, especially during those important first three months postpartum.

Cheryl is currently seeking advice from real moms, like you!, to share with new mothers. Email Cheryl at: mamamiacher@yahoo.com with your answer to: “If there was one (or more) things that you wish someone would have told you before you became a mother for the first time, what was it?”

Cheryl will be doing a regular monthly post titled, “Advice From Other Mothers,” that will give “real live” advice from “real live” moms. Look for my contribution in the February 19th post that is currently on the front page of her blog.

If you have some sage (or not so sage) advice that you would like to give to help women make their transition to motherhood a little easier (or at least more understandable), please email Cheryl and share your knowledge. Other moms will appreciate it! I look forward to reading your words of wisdom.

Did you hear about this? Until 7 p.m. Chicago time today you can download Suze Orman’s 274-page book Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny for free as a pdf file. I just did it and it took 5 seconds to download. I did need to download Firefox first since I didn’t have it, but you can download Firefox for free at this link.

To download Orman’s book, go here, then scroll down and click on Women and Money. There are English and Spanish versions.

If the link above doesn’t work for you, go to the Oprah site and click on the prompt for yesterday’s show in the left-hand column, then follow the prompts.

I’m really excited because I’ve been wanting to read Orman’s book for awhile since many people have told me how good it is. The retail price for the print version is $24.95.

Happy reading!
Melanie

Dear Readers,

I have a new feature at the blog. You can now subscribe for free to Spit-Up On My Shoulder. As a subscriber you will only receive an email when I post a new entry. No new post, no email. Now you don’t have to remember to check back here to see what’s new. Subscribe and you’ll always get the scoop!

Click on the Subscribe message at the top of the left-hand column (sign-up is quick) and you’re on your way. Never miss a new post again!

Cheers,
Melanie

We’ve been upped again in the health care field by the French. Check out this New York Times article on perineal re-education by an American writer currently living in Paris.

Here’s an excerpt:

After a woman [in France] has a baby, perineal re-education shapes up her stretched-out birth canal. It also strengthens her pelvic floor for the next child, and helps keep her from leaking a little bit every time she sneezes. My doctor prescribed 10 sessions of it after my daughter was born. (American doctors typically suggest just doing some Kegel exercises, if anything.)

In France, making mothers good as new is a matter of national interest. The state health system pays 60 percent to 100 percent of the cost of re-education for all women after they give birth, and private insurance plans typically cover the rest. I finally solved the mystery of how Frenchwomen fit back into their skinny jeans six weeks postpartum: the state pays for abdominal re-education too.

I saw The Business of Being Born in December and highly recommend everyone (men too!) see it. It’s one of those movies I wish every American would view so we can start making changes that give women more choices about birth.

Movie Synopsis: Birth: its a miracle. A rite of passage. A natural part of life. But more than anything, birth is a business. Compelled to find answers after a disappointing birth experience with her first child, actress Ricki Lake recruits filmmaker Abby Epstein to examine and question the way American women have babies.

The film interlaces intimate birth stories with surprising historical, political and scientific insights, and shocking statistics about the current maternity care system. When director Epstein discovers she is pregnant during the making of the film, the journey becomes even more personal. Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as a potentially catastrophic medical emergency?

The Business of Being Born will be shown in Sacramento in March as a benefit for Chicks In Crisis. Chicks in Crisis is dedicated to reducing the number of infants facing abandonment, foster care, abuse, or death by giving pregnant women in crisis the opportunity to make informed choices for themselves and their children, while developing the skills necessary to become productive members of the community.

If you can’t make the Sacramento screening, go to the The Business of Being Born website here to find information on where you can see it in your area and to view clips from the movie.

Sacramento screening: The Business of Being Born

Thursday, March 13, 6:30 pm
Esquire IMAX Theatre
1211 K St., Sacramento, CA 95814
www.imax.com/sacramento
(916) 446-2333

Tickets: $20/includes small popcorn & soda

Tickets available at the Chicks in Crisis Store, 8359 Elk Grove Florin Road, Suite 103, Sacramento, or call Chicks in Crisis Toll Free at (888) 208-8086 or locally at (916) 441-1243.

This post may sound like an ad, but I’ve recently found two new products that I love and want to share with you. I’m happy to promote both of these products because I think they are great.

1) Neutrogena Energizing Sugar Body Scrub, Fresh Citrus, six ounce jar - I have dry skin, which only became drier after having kids. I also swim year-round and the chlorine does a number on my skin, making it dry and itchy, particularly in the winter. Lotions help, but I still get rough elbows and other rough patches.

The first time I tried this exfoliating scrub, I noticed how much smoother my elbows and skin felt. The fresh citrus smell wakes you up and the scrub didn’t dry out my skin at all - just left it smooth. I’ve only been using it a week, but my skin feels so much better. The retail price is $10.99, but you can get 2 for $18.02 at Amazon by clicking here.

2. Levi’s Perfectly Slimming 512 Jeans - Finding a pair of jeans that fits well has been a lifelong problem for me, and probably for you too. My butt size is bigger than my waist size (the difference became more pronounced after childbirth–my butt got bigger!), so most jeans fit one area well, but not the other.

I’ve finally found a comfortable pair that fits! The Levi’s 512 jeans are boot cut, have a tummy slimming panel (you’ll never know it’s there), are made of stretch denim, and sit at and fit my waist with no gap of fabric at the back of the waist. Yea! No belts (I don’t like wearing belts as they rarely fit me well either and ride up in the back), a comfortable, flattering fit on my butt, and they make me look taller and slimmer. I don’t say this often, but I love these jeans!

I’ve seen retail prices up to $46, but found the jeans for $29.98, including free shipping, at Denim Express.

Let me know if you try either of these products and what you think. Here’s to a more comfortably dressed, softer-skinned you!

Dr. Shoshana Bennett is a licensed psychologist who founded Postpartum Assistance for Mothers in 1987 after her second undiagnosed postpartum illness. She is also the author of Postpartum Depression for Dummies and Beyond The Blues.

Last Monday, the 14th, she was a guest on the TV morning show The View From The Bay. In an information-packed five minute segment, she covers how to tell the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression, how to find help, and what mothers need to do to take care of themselves. You can view a video of her appearance here.

I’ve attended Shoshana’s workshops and she is a wealth of information about postpartum mood disorders and new mom care. To contact Shoshana or to get more information about postpartum depression, go to drshosh.com.