Another important point of the article is that adoptive parents don’t feel free to complain or admit that they are struggling, as people expect them to only be grateful. This leads to the parent not sharing their feelings and shutting down, or experiencing guilt for having the feelings at all.

A reference book on this topic is The Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption by Dr. Karen Foli.

You can also click here for an article from Suite 101 on post-adoption depression (PADS). The article states that up to 65% of adoptive parents are affected.

5/25/96 – 8:31 p.m.

My postpartum depression experience was incredibly horrible in retrospect. I truly thought I was losing my mind. I also was so afraid to tell anyone because I thought they would send me off to the loony bin. Especially when we went to see the counselor and she suggested either drugs or a stay at a mental hospital–although I’m sure that is what I needed.

Mental illness is so misunderstood in this country and probably everywhere. I remember having days where I thought there is just no way in hell I can keep going on. Then I would be driving to tutor or somewhere else alone and all I could think about was how I could crash the car so that I would die, but no one else would be hurt. I remember too being so angry at Mark for not seeing how much pain I was in even though I was using every ounce of energy to cover up how I felt.

Also, when we talked to the counselor she said to Mark, after I had divulged a lot about how I was feeling, that she was sure it was painful for him to hear it. I wanted to scream, “No one is in as much pain as I’m in! Why are you talking about his pain?” Even though we had been talking about my pain for the whole session up to that point. You get so twisted about how you perceive situations and the balance of something as basic as a conversation.

Even though it appears that the depression has subsided I still am doing things that frazzle me and aren’t healthy for me. I am so tired and have no immunity to getting sick.

Once you have experienced depression you never again will be unsympathetic to hearing of someone going through it. It really changed me and how I view life. I don’t think I will ever take for granted being able to feel positive emotions again. That flatness you feel with the depression is the worst thing–you don’t care about shit.

Last Monday, the 14th, she was a guest on the TV morning show The View From The Bay. In an information-packed five minute segment, she covers how to tell the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression, how to find help, and what mothers need to do to take care of themselves. You can view a video of her appearance here.

I’ve attended Shoshana’s workshops and she is a wealth of information about postpartum mood disorders and new mom care. To contact Shoshana or to get more information about postpartum depression, go to drshosh.com.

Today is a good day. Getting a good night’s sleep makes a world of difference, although we did get woken up by our neighbors fighting out on the sidewalk at five a.m.! I couldn’t believe it. We’ve lived here almost a year and never hear a peep out of them, then that happens.

On days like today it’s hard to believe I’ll feel bad again. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad sign. If I’m feeling really good, am I going to have a big low afterwards, or does it mean I’m getting closer to feeling good more of the time?

Even when I am having a good day, the mothering part can be difficult. Danielle still has fits about things and they constantly have their “needs.” Linda does seem to be easier now that she can sit up. You just put a bunch of toys around her and she’s content for quite awhile. The problem is you feel so overwhelmed by the magnitude of how much there is to do. The house, feeding them, laundry, doctor’s appointments, dressing them, bathing them, your own work, your own hobbies, your friends, your marriage, saving $ for college, saving $ for anything, and maintaining some sort of contact with the adult world so your brain doesn’t go to mush.

The kids are hitting a raw nerve today. I just have no patience. I feel so guilty because I’m not into the stay-at-home mom thing. Am I a terrible person? I know there are people who would give anything to do this, but, then I wonder – if they actually did it, would they feel the same way? I seem to start out OK, but, even if I’m not that tired, they start to get to me by lunchtime.

Right now I feel very tense – like I could snap at anything. It’s that frustration of being on-call 24 hours a day and never knowing if you’ll get a break. Sometimes I think I’m just a bad person that I snap at them so much. I really love them and they’re good kids, so why is this so hard? I really need a break.

I recently came across some pages I had written when I was in the worst of my postpartum depression. The entry is dated 11/29/95 when my daughters were 3 (Danielle) and 6 months (Linda). It’s still painful for me to read these words, but I’m hoping sharing them will help any of you who are feeling the same way right now as I was then. Reading through the diary also reinforced for me how wrong I was to wait to tell others what I was going through and to seek medical help.

Also, if you find reading the diary entry helpful, will you please let me know? I’m not sure if it’s beneficial to readers to read the diary or not. Thank you.

11/29/95:

I should have written yesterday because I had a really good day, but today I feel like shit again. It started about an hour ago and I just feel immobilized. I was trying to bring back how I felt yesterday – struggling to draw the good feeling back – and there was just no way. I can’t get there once the bad mood starts. Plus, the TV is broken. It’s really not a big deal, but I know when I’m having a day like this, turning on the TV can help get me through. Also, I started to get stressed about much it’s going to cost to fix the damn thing.

Danielle and I are in the backyard because it’s so hot out, like summer. I keep cussing though about every little thing that happens. When I get like this I don’t care about anything and the suicide thoughts come flooding back. Poor Danielle. I feel so horrible that she’s seeing me like this. She gets very upset and says, “What’s wrong, Mom?” and all I can think is that your mother is going nuts. She’s so wonderful, which makes me feel worse – like I”m screwing her up for life. I probably am – her and Linda both.

When I get like this too I am dying to talk to someone, but just don’t know who to call and am afraid of what they’ll think. I know they’ll think I’m a lunatic. I’m so tired, and tired of being needed 24 hours a day.

Our guest is licensed clinical psychologist, Dana Paskowitz, Ph.D., who runs support groups and has a special interest in working with women around issues of pregnancy, postpartum adjustment, and parenting. To see Part 1 of my discussion with Dana, go here.

MB: Dana, would you please share what you’ve observed in your pregnancy support groups, along with comments women have made about how being in the group helped them?

DP: One of the most common comments I receive is that they are so happy to have the opportunity to develop such close relationships with other pregnant women. Often these relationships develop into close friendships.

Support groups can be especially helpful to women who are new to a town, and who would would like to meet other local moms-to-be. In addition, most women love setting time aside each week to celebrate their pregnancy and their unborn baby.

MB: What are the benefits to new moms of joining a postpartum support group?

DP: Living with postpartum depression is often an isolating, traumatic experience for women. Soon after arriving home from the hospital with their new baby, women may suddenly feel extremely overwhelmed, emotional, irritable, disconnected, and alone. In addition, it is not uncommon for these new moms to feel extremely guilty for not feeling “connected” to their new baby. They may even question whether they were ever meant to be a mom in the first place.

By seeking out and participating in a postpartum support group, moms will meet other new moms who have experienced the very same feelings. Within the confines of a safe and non-judgmental group, they will find that the other participants provide much needed support and encouragement as they listen and share their own strategies for fighting the depression.

Moms learn to challenge their own negative self-thoughts (”You are not alone”, “you are not crazy”, and “you are not a bad mom”), and become more motivated to improve their own self-care through sleep, exercise, fresh-air, nutrition, stress-reduction, etcetera.

MB: How can women find these support groups in their area?

DP: I would suggest they ask their physician/midwife and/or contact their local baby store, as they are often familiar with local resources. *

MB: Thank you so much for your time, Dana! This is great information.

* For more resources on postpartum support groups, check the Postpartum Depression section in the left-hand column for organizations that may be of help.

We will be chatting about motherhood and, in particular, the postpartum year. Go here to find out more.

Hope you can join in!

There was one mistake that I noted in the article. You can find it below in an abridged version of the piece:

Women with spouses on military deployment during their pregnancies face a nearly threefold higher risk for postpartum depression in initial screening tests, researchers reported.

The findings mean that military wives should be informed of the risk and aggressively screened for depression during their postpartum medical exams, said lead author Dr. Jeffrey Millegan of the Naval Medical Center in San Diego.

Postpartum depression is believed to affect 10% to 15% of new mothers and can occur up to three months (Melanie’s note: Not true! PPD can occur anytime in the first year) after childbirth. Antidepressants or psychotherapy are effective treatments.

The study, presented May 21st at an American Psychiatric Assn. meeting in San Diego, looked at 415 women who received preliminary screening tests for the condition approximately six weeks after their children were born.

One-quarter of the 90 women whose husbands were deployed at any point during their pregnancy screened positive, according to the study, compared with 11% of the women whose husbands were not deployed.

Researchers found that women whose husbands were deployed during their pregnancies had 2.7 times the risk of screening positive.

To view the entire article, go here. Please hold these moms close in your heart and reach out to them when you can.

Last Friday Shields spoke to Congress about the bill. The bill proposes grants to better increase education and access to screenings for new mothers and to increase research into this difficult illness. The bill also proposes grants to health care providers, to facilitate the delivery of healthcare to those suffering from postpartum depression.

Find the full story here.

I highly recommend Shield’s brutally honest book about her own postpartum depression Down Came the Rain.

She’s definitely a hero to new mothers everywhere.