We recently gave away some cello instrument accessories (my daughter moved from cello to bass this summer) and also one of our bikes that we were no longer using.

During the first week of school we got a graphing calculator for my daughter’s math class that normally retails for $100!

Lots of people get and give baby and maternity items, so it’s a great place for young families. I hope you give your local Freecycle a look soon. You’ll be helping the planet by recycling and will probably save yourself some dough in the process.

Considering kids at that age grow so fast, how many wears are you realistically going to get out of that outfit? I wouldn’t spend $124 for a top for myself and I could probably wear it for the rest of my life. I guess what mostly bothers me is that the money spent on that outfit could go to, in my opinion, much better things like a college fund or a charity.

Am I crazy? I have been accused of being stuck in 1980s prices – especially by my children! – but I don’t think I’m that out of it. I do have a theory though that people often think things should cost as much as they did during their junior year of high school, which was 1980 for me, so maybe I am really out of touch.

What do you think? If you had(have) the money, would(do) you spend so much on a kids’ outfit? Do you think it’s worth it? The clothes are very cute, no doubt. Your thoughts?

8. A “Diaper” Bag – If you must have all the pockets and little goodies, go ahead. But if you have a tote bag in the closet (LL Bean boat totes work great! Of course, you’ll want to find them at a yard sale.) from the library or anywhere else, then just use that.

Want the changing pad? You can buy them separately or make one from one-inch foam cut to size from the fabric store and a quick pillow case cover if you hate to sew! Save the $40-$80 for your first night out alone!

9. Hooded Towel – They’re cute, but unnecessary. Need I say more? Your baby does not need animal ears on his towel to be cute. I swear, the kid will be cute enough. Just get a clean towel from the closet. He’ll get dry either way. Savings: $10-$30

10. A Vibrating Infant Seat – They’re silly and loud! If you think your baby is dying to vibrate in his infant seat (and you just want to put him down for a while), run the washing machine (full, of course) and put the seat on top of it. Just make sure you don’t leave! He could vibrate right off the top! Fold some laundry (if you’re feeling ambitious) or just read a book (a book? what’s a book?). Savings: $35 or more

There you go. Ten things you absolutely don’t need when you have a baby. I promise.

See Part 1 of this article here. Part 2 here.

Michelle Kennedy Hogan is the mother of six and the editor of
Organically Inclined. Her new book 100 Ways to Save Money Right Now is available in digital and print formats. She and her husband John homeschool their children, work from home and practice sustainable living on an organic farm in Vermont. Email her at: editor@organicallyinclined.org

The site is searchable by city or zip code, so you can find deals in your town or use it for trip planning. You can add any locations that you may know of, as well as make comments to help other parents plan outings.

Enjoy!

Then I read an article in The Dollar Stretcher by a mom with five kids who found a solution. Every day her family has a 30 minute clean-up where everyone cleans like crazy for a half hour. They don’t worry about cleaning any other time of day.

Five kids and only 30 minutes of cleaning a day? Woohoo! I decided to propose the plan to my family and see how it went. Since I only have two children, we decided twenty minutes of clean-up right after dinner should do it. I’m more than happy to make the list every day of what needs to be done since I learned long ago that I’m the only one in the house who sees dirt!

I reminded my girls that this would keep me from nagging them throughout the day about chores. Each person picks which chore or chores they will do on that day’s list. This gives the kids the chance to learn how to do a variety of tasks instead of being stuck in a rut with a chore chart.

This system is working so well I can’t believe it. It’s amazing what four people can do when they all work hard for 20 minutes straight.

Since I work from home, it’s been a huge help to me during the day in managing my time. Whenever I notice a chore that needs to be done, I just put it on the list for that night’s clean-up, and get back to my writing work.

Every night I go to bed relaxed knowing my house is looking good for the next day. I’m not snapping at everyone to do things during the day, and we’re all happier. So crank up the music and set your timer for whatever of amount of time works for your family.

Even if your only child is a newborn, I can see this system working with two adults. How nice not to have chores hanging over your head all day when you’re home with your baby since you know you and your partner will get them done during that day’s clean-up time.

Do you have a household system that has been successful for your family? One that’s lowered your stress, or helped you manage your time better? I’d love to hear about it. Please drop me a line.

Marcus guides you through discovering your strengths and weaknesses. Once your know what they are, the goal is to build on your strengths and manage around your weaknesses. Since we’ve been taught our whole lives that we should spend more time improving on our weaknesses, I found his philosophy so refreshing.

Strengths are tasks that we love, that invigorate us, and ones where we find we lose track of time. Weaknesses are any tasks that drain you and you find difficult to concentrate on. Most people don’t like their jobs because, although they may be good at the tasks, they are doing things that drain, rather than energize, them.

Wouldn’t it be great to feel excited more of the time about your job, and I’m including parenting, instead of feeling drained? Of course, every job is going to have parts that are not energy-producing. Marcus shows how you can rework your job though, or find a new one, so you can focus on your strengths most of the time and feel invigorated about what you’re doing.

When you’re home with your baby, which tasks do you find energizing? Is there a way you can do more of those tasks and minimize or delegate the tasks that drain you? Maybe you and your partner could both take Marcus’ course, then make a family plan together that lets you both focus on your strengths whenever possible. I’m using the course to examine how I can use my strengths more in all areas of my life–work, parenting, managing my house, volunteering–and it’s been a revelation.

Your energy will increase because you’ll be doing more of what you love. What could be better than that?

Top Ten list (in no particular order) of What Dad Can Do For Mom addressed to the father. Hopefully some of these suggestions will fit your relationship:

Take initiative with the kids – When a child has a need or a problem, dive in. For example, you be the one to tend to your child in a restaurant. If your wife offers a suggestion, take on board what’s useful in her comment, and keep diving in.

Take on a regular chore – Pick an everyday childrearing or housework task and start doing it routinely with little fanfare.

Arrange date nights – Set up the babysitting, take the lead in telling your kids that you’re going out, and be the last one out the door.

Start by joining – Try to have your opening move be one of interest, support, empathy, and what you agree with – rather than withdrawal, detached analysis, or disagreement. Imagine how you’d feel if you were she, if you had her tasks, her day, her life. Try to explore any negative feelings in her rather than step back from them or try to fix them quickly so they go away.

Ask three questions in a row – Every day, try to ask three questions in a row about her inner experience, such as: How did you feel when _______ ? Deep down, what did you really want in that situation? Can you say more about that? How was _______ related to _______ for you?

Give her a night off each week – From start to finish, handle one night a week. It’s fine to have take-out and to do things your way (as long as the effects don’t spill over onto her). If she wants to stay home and take a long bath, you’re still in charge of the kids and the housework.

Reach out to her first – A relationship is like a series of volleys in tennis, and it’s typically the woman who puts the ball in play. Instead, you be the one to call to see how her day is going. Give her a card or small present out of the blue. Be the one to say, “Hey, let’s talk.”

Stick up for her with your family and friends – Put your wife in a good light. Imagine that the conversation is being recorded and your wife will listen to it; what would her reaction be?

Communicate a vulnerable feeling or wish – Share some part of your inner experience that is soft, vulnerable, and open. If it makes you squirm a bit to imagine saying it – that’s what you ought to say!

Be affectionate without it being about sex – Besides the obvious (hugs, etc.), try little massages or back scratches, rubbing her feet, or fluffing her hair. Ask her what she likes. With words, tell her things that you like about her, why you’re fond of her. Tell her you love her. A lot.

To download Orman’s book, go here, then scroll down and click on Women and Money. There are English and Spanish versions.

If the link above doesn’t work for you, go to the Oprah site and click on the prompt for yesterday’s show in the left-hand column, then follow the prompts.

I’m really excited because I’ve been wanting to read Orman’s book for awhile since many people have told me how good it is. The retail price for the print version is $24.95.

Happy reading!
Melanie

I found the study’s conclusions interesting, but was surprised about the following comments from women in the article:

“It’s not about the paycheck for me and I’m guessing it never would be,” said Harriet Rogers. “Income and housework don’t have any connection at all in my mind.”

Wendy Mazza, who says she does as much housework as she did when she was earning less, said, “No matter how much money I make, nothing is going to change the responsibilities I have waiting for me at home … Even if I made $100,000 a year, I wouldn’t change what I think needs to get done.”

Call me crazy, but, if I made more money (which often translates to more demands on your time), I’d hire more housecleaning help (I currently have three hours of biweekly cleaning help) or lower my standards. When I read these two women’s comments, I thought–when do these women have a moment to themselves? Are they good about self-care? My guess is not.

What about you? Do you agree with the women quoted in the article? Do you think more income would change your willingness to hire help, or your cleaning standards?

Scroll down the left-hand column to my article Housework or Your Life under Articles by Melanie for more on hiring household help and life balance.

Have you found that you and your partner fight more since becoming parents? Join the club! Exhaustion, the stress of being on-call 24 hours a day, teething, colds, breastfeeding struggles, and so many other events that strain a marriage can happen when you welcome a child into your lives. Below find Rick and Jan’s response to a reader’s cry for help about how to reduce the arguments in her home.

Q: I’m sick of fighting! Enrico and I love each other, but wow do we argue, especially since having children. Help!

A: No doubt about it, marital squabbles and even ugly fights usually increase after children come along. The causes are painfully familiar to us all: sleep deprivation, little time for oneself, feeling let down, vicious cycles of finger-pointing, the in-laws, etc. etc. We certainly fought more frequently and intensely after having kids than ever before.

To solve these problems–and maintain an intact family in which to raise precious children–we’ve found five key methods. They’re not glib, they’re not a TV sound bite, but they’re the real deal. Try them yourself and see if you can get your spouse to go along.

Here they are:

• Personal Well-Being – By taking better care of yourself, you’ll be able to take better care of your partner, and have a cooler, clearer head in quarrels. This means really doing the fundamentals: protein with every meal, good vitamin supplements (please see our book if you have any questions), making sleep an extremely high priority, personal stress relief practices, and the support of good friends and family.

• The 80-20 Rule – Put 80% of your energy into how you can be a better mate, and just 20% on how he/she could be less of a jerk. You have little power to change your partner, but great power to change yourself. Take maximum personal responsibility for whatever is true in your partner’s complaints, and then unilaterally make appropriate changes. That will make you feel good about yourself, give you the best odds of getting better behavior from your mate, and put you on the high moral ground.

• Empathy – Try to get inside your partner’s skin, sensing the being behind the words, and ask firmly for the same. Isn’t that why you married each other, that you felt deeply known and listened to? Being empathic doesn’t mean you agree or approve or let someone off the hook, just that you understand. And when you understand, you’re more able to address what’s really at stake for the other person. And when you feel understood, you’re more willing to get to the heart of the matter and make peace.

• Solutions Focus – Go after what would make things better from now on rather than argue about the past. Be honest with yourself: what are you up to, making a case for why you’re right, or making things better in your relationship? Pick a topic and stick with it without jumping around. Then make realistic agreements, keep them, and move on.

• Loving At Will – Life is hard for all of us, and we all suffer in a variety of ways, so each of us is called to bring compassion and lovingkindness to other people–even the person we’re married to! This both makes us quietly happy and helps the world be a better place. While love may not be at the top of your list in the midst of a nutty day, any one of us can use the will to reach down inside and pull up a little love. Giving it ennobles us, lifts our own heart, brings dignity and self-respect, and often kindles a fire of love in return.