Another important point of the article is that adoptive parents don’t feel free to complain or admit that they are struggling, as people expect them to only be grateful. This leads to the parent not sharing their feelings and shutting down, or experiencing guilt for having the feelings at all.

A reference book on this topic is The Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption by Dr. Karen Foli.

You can also click here for an article from Suite 101 on post-adoption depression (PADS). The article states that up to 65% of adoptive parents are affected.

From Yahoo! News:

“This recall doesn’t just involve one specific Maclaren model. Stop using any single- or double-umbrella stroller with Maclaren written on it, says the Consumer Protection Safety Commission. The problem: Maclaren received reports that 12 children had their fingertips amputated after they placed their fingers in the hinge where the stroller folds.”

Yikes! Amputated fingertips? No wonder parents are steaming mad about this one. To read the whole article go to this link.

Here’s to keeping you and your children safe.

The writer, Meghan Whitmer, shares lots of tips on how she saved money while expecting, along with what she wishes she’d done differently. In these tight times, every bit helps!

8. A “Diaper” Bag – If you must have all the pockets and little goodies, go ahead. But if you have a tote bag in the closet (LL Bean boat totes work great! Of course, you’ll want to find them at a yard sale.) from the library or anywhere else, then just use that.

Want the changing pad? You can buy them separately or make one from one-inch foam cut to size from the fabric store and a quick pillow case cover if you hate to sew! Save the $40-$80 for your first night out alone!

9. Hooded Towel – They’re cute, but unnecessary. Need I say more? Your baby does not need animal ears on his towel to be cute. I swear, the kid will be cute enough. Just get a clean towel from the closet. He’ll get dry either way. Savings: $10-$30

10. A Vibrating Infant Seat – They’re silly and loud! If you think your baby is dying to vibrate in his infant seat (and you just want to put him down for a while), run the washing machine (full, of course) and put the seat on top of it. Just make sure you don’t leave! He could vibrate right off the top! Fold some laundry (if you’re feeling ambitious) or just read a book (a book? what’s a book?). Savings: $35 or more

There you go. Ten things you absolutely don’t need when you have a baby. I promise.

See Part 1 of this article here. Part 2 here.

Michelle Kennedy Hogan is the mother of six and the editor of
Organically Inclined. Her new book 100 Ways to Save Money Right Now is available in digital and print formats. She and her husband John homeschool their children, work from home and practice sustainable living on an organic farm in Vermont. Email her at: editor@organicallyinclined.org

Here’s the first part of the article with more to come in later postings:

10 Baby Things You Don’t Need by Michelle Kennedy Hogan
Save yourself the space and cash

When I became pregnant with my first child, I had been babysitting for a wealthy family for quite some time. They had every gadget you could possibly imagine for raising a child. They also had every glossy magazine available, detailing every shiny new gadget I would “need” in order to have my baby. I was 20 years old and a little overwhelmed by the finery. Howwould I ever afford it all? I soon learned that yard sales were the best places to find all of the gadgets I would need.

Between the sales and the baby shower, I was outfitted. I had every gadget a mother could possibly need to take care of her baby. It wasn’t until baby number two arrived a little over a year later that I realized that I needed very few of those gadgets, and I had a yard sale myself to rid myself of the clutter that was overtaking my apartment.

Save yourself the space and cash. Here is a list of 10 things you absolutely do not need in order to have a baby. There are many others, but this should get your started.

1. Baby Lotion/Baby Cleanser – I’ve received a number of bottles of these items through the years and I must admit that they do smell pretty good. However, not only does your new baby not need to smell any better (they already smell really good), but also take a look at the list of what’s in the bottle. No, it is not just baby goodness. Indeed, I can’t pronounce 90 percent of what’s in it.

Buy a nice bar of natural soap from your local co-op if baby is really that dirty, but a little warm water will do just fine for baby’s already very soft skin. Savings: $10 (plus refills)

2. Diaper Genie – OK, well, you won’t be using disposable diapers anyway, right? But if you did use disposables, this thing has got to be one of the most wasteful, ugly things on the planet. It produces what can only be described as a giant doody caterpillar when full and I have no idea what you do with it after that. Savings: $30 (plus refills)

3. Changing Table – I had one of these for my oldest, but I soon learned that I changed 99 percent of his diapers on either the floor or the couch. Instead, make yourself up a little basket with the appropriate changing needs (diaper covers, diapers, washcloths, etc.) and keep it next to the sofa. Especially in those first weeks, you spend a lot of time on the couch as most of your time is spent nursing, changing diapers, and trying to catch a nap! Forget the table. Savings: $100 (at least)

Michelle Kennedy Hogan is the mother of six and the editor of
Organically Inclined. Her new book 100 Ways to Save Money Right Now is available in digital and print formats. She and her husband John homeschool their children, work from home and practice sustainable living on an organic farm in Vermont. Email her at: editor@organicallyinclined.org

“I think back to all the times when my baby was teething or gnawing on the side of her car seat, and my heart sinks wondering about what her tiny body ingested.” –Bobbi (mother of a one year-old)

Can you believe it? A recent study conducted by the watchdog group, Friends of the Earth, found that 56% of infant carriers, 44% of car seats, and 40% of the strollers they tested had dangerous levels of toxic fire retardant chemicals.

This is downright scary–and is yet another toxic exposure on a long list of children’s products with toxic chemicals to come out lately. We have to turn this tide.

The good news: Graco, the giant manufacturer of children’s products, responded to the Friends of the Earth report the day it was published. Graco says they want to do the right thing, but they haven’t yet committed to removing these chemicals from their products. If Graco gets rid of these chemicals, other baby product manufacturers will be under enormous pressure to follow suit.

*Ask Graco, and other manufacturers of children’s products, to not use any more halogenated fire retardants – period! Go to this link to sign a petition: http://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/1768/petition.jsp?petition_KEY=1230

Haloge-what? Halogenated flame retardants have been shown to cause serious health disorders including endocrine disruption, cancer, birth defects and a host of reproductive and neurological disorders in developing fetuses and offspring in animals.

Forward this note to your family, friends, and community so we can all let Graco, and other manufacturers, know that nobody wants toxics near their kids. When consumers speak, companies listen.

Terri found in recent hospital stays (she is fighting leukemia) that putting on the mask helped her relax and sleep through staff interruptions. She does advise that it takes about 20 minutes to relax once you put the mask on, so don’t expect instant results.

Once you’re home, you can also use the mask for rest/sleep during the day when your baby naps. Most of us are not use to sleeping during the day and the light can keep you awake. Give the mask a try and see if you get more rest.

Sometimes new moms are afraid to wear the mask while they are watching their baby. Don’t worry. Your ears will alert you when your baby is awake. There’s something I call “Mom Ears” that happens the second you give birth. You can suddenly hear every dang sound in the house, even if you don’t want to!, because nature has programmed you to be on alert for your baby’s cry. Trust your ears to signal you when your baby needs you.

I also think it would be fun to wear the mask since you can pretend you’re one of those glamorous stars in old movies. Who do you want to be? Bette Davis? Ava Gardner? Katherine Hepburn? You pick!

Thank you again to Terri for this idea. My thoughts are with her and her family. She has been so brave since being diagnosed in December, and is fighting hard to beat the leukemia. Go Terri!

The report first analyzes trends in women’s work experience prior to their first birth and the factors associated with employment during pregnancy. Changes are placed in the historical context of the enactment of family-related legislation during the last quarter of the twentieth century.

The next section identifies the maternity leave arrangements used by women before and after their first birth and the shifts that have occurred in the mix of leave arrangements that are used.

The final section examines how rapidly mothers return to work after their first birth and the factors related to the length of time they are absent from the labor force.

In addition to updating childbearing, employment, and maternity leave trends, the report provides details on changes many new mothers experience in the number of hours worked, pay level, and job skill level after the first birth. These changes are examined in relation to whether a woman returned to the same employer she had during pregnancy or changed employers after the birth of the child.

A portion of the conclusions from the report are pasted below including this line: “In addition, more women are working within a year of giving birth (64 percent in 2000–2002 compared with 39 percent in 1976–1980 and 17 percent in 1961–1965).”

We all knew mothers returning to work within the first year after birth had dramatically increased since the 60s. My question is, why are childcare options still so poor in this country considering 64 percent of families need high-quality, affordable care for their babies?

Wherever you stand on the “beaten to death” debate of at-home parents vs. parents who work outside the home, I think we all can agree that children need and deserve high-quality care.

REPORT CONCLUSIONS

Since the 1960s, women have experienced gains in education beyond the high school years and have continued to delay childbearing to older ages. The work experience of women both before and during the pregnancy preceding the birth of their first child has also increased. Women are more likely to work both before and during their pregnancy than they were 30 to 40 years ago and are working later into their pregnancy. Sixty-four percent of women who worked during their pregnancy in 2001–2003 did so into the last month of their pregnancy. In addition, more women are working within a year of giving birth (64 percent in 2000–2002 compared with 39 percent in 1976–1980 and 17 percent in 1961–1965).

One in four women quit their jobs before or shortly after the birth of their child in 2001–2003. Paid leave benefits were received by 49 percent of pregnant workers in 2001–2003; 39 percent of pregnant workers received unpaid leave; and 9 percent took disability leave. Data in this report also show that 83 percent of mothers who returned to work within 12 months of their child’s birth returned to their same employer. Women who returned to their same employer had a good chance of returning to a job with the same pay, skill level, and hours.

I used both cloth and disposable diapers with my girls, but I wish I had known at the time how much I could have saved by using cloth more. Anyone who knows me knows I’m not into “guilting” parents into things (like choosing cloth diapers), but I do like to share interesting information when I find it.

I’d love to know how you chose what types of diapers to use, and the pros and cons you’ve found in your choice. Comment to this post, or click the Contact Me button under my picture at the left.

Why I Choose Cloth Diapers

by Michelle Kennedy

It was an ordinary afternoon at the basketball field. I was on the bleachers watching my oldest (again) play and was simultaneously wrestling my almost two-year-old (he arches his back and slams his head into my chest and I snuggle him to keep him from falling down a flight of bleacher stairs). I checked his diaper and proceeded to change him in a secluded spot. There was nothing unusual so far, but when I turned my head to retrieve his new diaper, I noticed several moms looking over my shoulder. I looked up from my spot on the floor and said, “Hi,” in an obviously-confused manner.

“What are you doing?” one of the ladies said.

“Changing Jack’s diaper,” I replied, trying not to “crack wise” as my grandmother would have said.

“What is that?” another lady said, pointing to Jack’s diaper.

“A diaper,” I said, wondering if I had to start speaking slowly and loudly too. And then it dawned on me why they were looking at me so strangely.

“Oh,” I said. “It’s a cloth diaper.”

“Really?” one of the mom’s asked. “You do that?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I have for years.”

“Gross,” was one mother’s reply. “I could never do that,” another said. “I wish I could,” said another, “but it’s just too much.”

Their reactions shouldn’t have surprised me, but they did a little. I mean, I understand thinking that cloth diapers can be a hassle, but to not even recognize one when they saw it?

After the initial shock wore off, I proceeded to give the other mothers a small class. I like to call it “Cloth Diapers 101.”

The first question is always, “Why do I use cloth diapers?”

Why wouldn’t I?

Let’s first put aside the fact that cloth diapers are really soft and it’s the only thing I can imagine putting next to my baby’s even softer skin. Let’s look at a disposable diaper. A disposable diaper contains traces of dioxin, a very toxic chemical bi-product of the paper-bleaching process. It is a carcinogenic chemical and is classified by the EPA as being the most toxic of all the cancer-linked chemicals. It is banned in most countries.

Disposables also contain Tributyl-tin (TBT), a known toxic pollutant said to cause hormonal problems in humans and animals.

Disposables have that lovely gel inside them, sodium polyacrylate, which is a super absorbent polymer that has been linked to Toxic Shock Syndrome.

If I spend so much time making sure that my baby only tries one food at a time to prevent food allergies, how on Earth can I validate putting this stuff on an area of extreme sensitivity.

There is also that whole environmental issue that often comes up. According to Carl Lehrburger, author of “Diapers in the Waste Stream: A review of waste management and public policy issues”: “In 1988, over 18 billion diapers were sold and consumed in the United States that year. The instructions on a disposable diaper package advise that all fecal matter should be deposited in the toilet before discarding, yet less than one half of one percent of all waste from single-use diapers goes into the sewage system. Over 92% of all single-use diapers end up in a landfill. In 1988, nearly $300 million dollars were spent annually just to discard disposable diapers, whereas cotton diapers are reused 50 to 200 times before being turned into rags.”

Further, disposables generate 60 times more solid waste and use 20 times more raw materials like crude oil and wood pulp than cloth diapers.

In 1991, an attempt towards recycling disposable diapers was made in the city of Seattle, involving 800 families, 30 day care centers, a hospital and a Seattle-based recycler for a period of one year. The conclusion made by Procter & Gamble was that recycling disposable diapers was not an economically feasible task on any scale.

“But I can’t be responsible for the whole world,” one mom said.

“No,” I replied, “but we can be responsible for our part in it. Besides, cloth diapers are way cheaper than disposables.”

“No, they’re not, they are so expensive to buy,” she said.

“At first,” I replied. “But I purchased five dozen diapers for Matt 14 years ago and I am still using diapers that I used on him on Jack. I’ve bought a dozen or two for each kid in between, but that’s it.”

Cloth diapers are only around $20 a dozen. If one does the math out, for let’s say two children (I have five, and any math done for five children is daunting). Buy five dozen diapers at $20 a dozen off eBay. That’s $100. Buy 10 pairs of nylon cover pants with maximum price of $10 a piece, but again, you can always get them cheaper than that at thrift stores, yard sales or online. That’s another $100. Some diaper pins at $2. You get a total of $202.00. And both kids are diapered for as long as need be. And then you have to do the laundry, but you were going to do the laundry anyway. So adding a couple of loads a week (and small ones at that) shouldn’t add too much to the mix.

$200 compared to disposables, which cost approximately $20 a package or $10 if you buy cheap ones. A newborn baby will get at least 12 changes a day! And a toddler will take six to eight. So, let’s say 10 diapers a day on average for 28 months. That’s 8,540 diapers. Wow! I did a little comparison shopping at Amazon.com and found that one can get 140 diapers for approximately $35. That’s about 25 cents a piece for a diaper. Multiply that by 8,540 and that’s a whopping $2135 spent on disposables over a two year (ish) period. I don’t know about you, but I can think of a lot of ways to spend $2000. And that’s bargain shopping. That doesn’t count the $10 you have to spend on a quick package of 10 diapers at the convenience store because you ran out.

“But what about diaper rash?” one of the moms asked.

For me personally, I have had five children in cloth diapers and not one has ever had a diaper rash problem. Once in a while, one will get a little redness, but it’s nothing that can’t be helped with a little Lansinoh or A&D Ointment. I have babysat for a lot of kids and the worse cases of diaper rash were on kids who were in disposables and usually those kids were left in their diapers a little too long. Further, I don’t put a cover on my baby’s diaper unless we are going out somewhere and we need to prevent leakage. Otherwise, my baby is in a pinned, organic cotton diaper, with air circulating and not a rash in sight.

My system for cloth diapering is almost as simple as disposable diapering. I keep a five-gallon bucket in the bathroom (which is also my laundry room) half-filled with water and a couple of spoonfuls of baking soda. When a diaper is wet, it comes off the baby and gets thrown in the bucket. A new diaper is put on the baby. Done. If the diaper is a little more, shall we say, involved, then it gets dunked in the toilet before being placed in the bucket.

If we are out and about, the offending diaper gets placed in a resealable bag and then placed in the bucket when we get home.

And that’s it. I do a load of diapers probably every two or three days. They are small loads with hot water and no bleach. In the winter, I use the dryer or hang by the woodstove. In the spring, summer and fall, I hang them outside.

Believe it or not, where I live, using cloth is actually more convenient than using disposables because I live very far from the nearest grocery store and our local stores do not always carry diapers. Being able to just run upstairs and run a load of laundry is much easier than strapping the kids in the car, buying gas, going to the grocery store, spending the money on the diapers, and then driving all the way home.

“But what about the poop?” a mom asked me again. Is it really so inconceivable that we must sometimes have to deal with poop? I know many women who clean out litter boxes and carry little bags around behind their dogs without so much as an “ick” but their own child’s poop? Blech! Poop is not that big a deal. Even with a disposable, you still have to look at it, smell it and clean it off a baby. You can’t get away from it. And with a disposable, you are supposed to put the offensive matter into a toilet before throwing it away. It’s just that no one ever does. If you can clean up after your dog, why not your child?

As it was once said (on a bumper sticker) “Poop Happens.”

Resources:
Ebay
The Real Diaper Association
The Diaper Hyena
Ecobaby

Michelle Kennedy is the author of 11 books, the Founding Editor of Organically Inclined, and the mother (now) of six children.

Babies like routine and they will learn that a certain sequence of events, that only occur in the evening, means it’s time to settle down for a longer sleep. The link to the recent sleep article is here.

Although I liked the article’s ideas on establishing a routine, it bothered me that no dads were profiled. Here is a bit from the article:

“A 2005-06 study of 58 infants age 7 months to 18 months suggested that babies who have consistent bedtime routines fall asleep faster, sleep for longer stretches and awaken less often at night. Mothers in the study, funded by Johnson & Johnson, followed a three-step routine with their little ones — a bath, a massage with baby lotion, and a quiet activity such as reading — for two weeks. In addition to better sleep for their babies, the moms reported a reduction in their own anxiety and fatigue.”

Didn’t any of the 58 babies have fathers who participated in the bedtime routine? The study implies that moms have all the responsibility for managing bedtime. I find this view often in articles and studies about parenting.

What happened to sharing the bedtime routine with dad? It’s also not fair to the dads who are there to help, to assume that they don’t put their kids to bed. Both men and women are parents – quit laying all the parenting responsibilities on the mom! Share the work and be better, happier parents for it.