Spit-up On My Shoulder

What happened? The holidays just flew by and it looks like none of my work took a holiday. Funny how that happens! I do have a new cool 2008 calendar/planner that it’s fun to fill in, but I’m trying my best not to overload it.

My goal is to make 2008 as stress-free as possible. Since my head is still spinning from the holidays, I’d better ease into this year slowly or I’ll be worn out by February. Can you relate?

Today we are finishing our interview with Amy Nobile and Trisha Ashworth, the authors of I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, a very funny and informative book that will help you discover how to love modern motherhood as much as you love your children.

MB: What are your thoughts on how women can come to peace about hiring help (housecleaning, babysitting, etc..)?

A&T: It all comes down to prioritizing. For some families, the most important thing is not the cooking of the meal, but the quality time and conversation–so ordering out or getting pre-made meals is a great solution. Some moms hire help to ensure that they’re nurturing themselves and/or their relationships, which is really important. We are feeling way too guilty for taking care of ourselves when that SHOULD be a huge priority.

MB: I loved your suggestions for discussing expectations with your husband, and also how you helped me to see things more from my husband’s perspective. Please share some of those ideas with my readers.

A&T: It’s important to sit down with your spouse and discuss what expectations you each have of each other. Who will be the primary breadwinner, and for how long? Who will do the dishes? Who will get up in the middle of the night? It’s amazing how regular, ongoing conversations about these things can set up a positive environment and eliminate unnecessary stress.

MB: Why can’t women give themselves permission to take care of themselves? Please discuss the importance to moms and their children of role-modeling self-care.

A&T: Our kids are watching us! They are learning from us and, if we’re not taking care of ourselves, they will eventually come to know that as ‘normal.’ If we are saying ‘yes’ to everything and putting ourselves last, it will negatively affect them. Remembering that helps keep our focus on taking care of ourselves as well as our families.

MB: I found it so hard to live in the present moment when I was a new mom. What suggestions do you have for focusing on the here and now?

A&T: One mom with older kids told us that she now realizes that the small moments are really the big ones–the ones that count. Don’t forget when you’re in a hard phase, it will quickly pass–but also cherish the good phases because they too will pass. Even just breathing into a sweet moment once a day with your child can help you stay centered.

MB: Please tell us about your new book coming out in the spring.

A&T: Our new book is called Dirty Little Secrets From Otherwise Perfect Moms. It’s a compendium of dirty little secrets–which are really the clues to what’s going on for moms today. It was really fascinating and fun to put together!

MB: Thank you so much, Amy and Trisha. It was great to read your book and to get your insights on how moms can stay true to themselves, align their expectations with reality, and make peace with the choices they make. Every mom (and dad) will find I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids helpful.