Spit-up On My Shoulder

Today we continue our interview with the authors of I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids. Amy Nobile and Trisha Ashworth have written a book that any mom can relate to. From interviews with over 100 women, they uncover the guilty secrets moms hide and provide real solutions to step out of the craziness, lower your stress, and find balance.

If you missed Part 1, go here.

Part 2:

MB: I love how you discussed the mental and emotional work involved in running a home, particularly all the decision-making, in your book. How can we learn to validate and honor all the work mothers do in the home?

A&T: So many moms we talked to felt like the ‘work’ they do in the home is just mundane and not very valuable, which is not the case. In many instances it’s a simple ‘thank you’ from our spouses that would help the situation. But, at the end of the day, we have to realize that whether we’re working at being a stay-at-home mom or going to an office very day, we’re making the best conscious choices we can for our individual families.

MB: Why do moms need to let go of perfectionism?

A&T: What we learned is that our expectations as moms are so out of whack and our lists of ’shoulds’ are growing out of control. We’re not making conscious choices. We’re so overburdened with what we think we should be doing that we’re losing focus on what’s really important.

We need to start realigning our expectations with reality, letting go of some of the pressure, and stop looking over our shoulders at what other moms are doing.

MB: Why do you think it’s so hard for mothers to be at peace with the choices they make?

A&T: Moms today are constantly questioning their choices in part because there’s not one ‘right’ path to being a good mom in today’s world (versus the past generation). We’re trying to validate our choices and so we’re judging other moms, and then wondering whether our choices are right.

Once we sit down and prioritize what’s important for our families, and then make choices that are right for us, it’s crucial to truly make peace with those choices. That way we at least have a shot at letting go of the guilt that plagues nearly all of us.

MB: Please discuss mother-guilt and why it is such a big issue for women.

A&T: Guilt stems from overblown expectations. If we take on too much, and focus too much on what others expect of us, we’re inevitably going to feel guilt for not living up to those expectations. So we need to sit down and sort out what expectations we’ve taken on, where they stem from, and how we can re-prioritize and let some of them go.

Next time: The final installment of my interview with Amy and Trisha. See you then!