Spit-up On My Shoulder

Today we’re continuing the discussion with Amy and Marc Vachon, creators of the Equally Shared Parenting website. Equally Shared Parenting (ESP) is when two parents in an intact home share equally in the childraising, housework, breadwinning, and recreation time.

Could ESP work for you? Check out Part 1 of our interview with Amy and Marc if you missed it. Here is Part 2:

MB: What is your best advice for couples who want to become equally sharing parents?

A & M: First, the stereotypical mom has to relinquish the ‘keeper of the home’
title. Household standards need to be set by the team when it comes to
cleanliness, spending, and discipline. Once the standards are agreed upon
by BOTH parents, then each person is encouraged to implement the standards
in his/her own way. There is no “helper” parent who defers to the other;
helping implies inequality even if tasks are split relatively equitably.

Second, we encourage both parents to keep pursuing their careers even if it
means downshifting for a while when children are young. Daycare
requirements can be greatly reduced if BOTH careers are on the table for
discussion of an optimal family arrangement. No longer will one parent be
free to shoot for the corner office at the expense of other aspects of
his/her life. The team needs to be creative and flexible in determining the
role breadwinning will play in the family’s life.

Finally, we believe that Equally Shared Parenting works best if it has truly
become a couple’s compass. American society has countless ways to derail
equal sharing, and it will usually require purposeful vigilance to stay
equal.

4) What are the most popular areas on your site?

The most popular areas of the website have changed over time. Initially,
the ‘How It Works‘ section was a big hit as people read our philosophies and
practical tips on how to make this lifestyle real.

As our reader base has grown, it appears the ‘Equality Blog‘ and ‘Question of the Week‘ sections have more return visitors as we continue to comment on the bits and pieces of equality-related content in the media or on questions others ask.

We are actively searching for couples to share their ESP stories on our
site. We hope to grow the new ‘Real Life Stories‘ section, as many readers
have asked us who practices ESP and why a couple might choose this
lifestyle. We expect to post stories from all walks of life, by couples who
have come to this parenting model for many different reasons.

MB: Thank you, Marc and Amy, for your time. Readers: Do you have a story to contribute to the ESP site? The Vachons would love to hear from you.