Spit-up On My Shoulder

It’s Independence Day, but do you feel free to be the parent you dreamed of? There is so much judgment of parents in this country (particularly brand new ones.) Why is that?

I remember being shocked after Danielle was born about how quickly people were ready to criticize or question what I was doing with my baby (including people who weren’t even parents!) Since it was one of the most vulnerable times of my life, it was hard to understand why others didn’t recognize that they should be sensitive and encouraging of my mothering, not critical.

Was I doing anything that put my baby in danger or threatened her health? Not at all. I eventually realized that doing things differently than someone else would was seen as a threat.

We’d all like to think that we make the right decisions about our children 100% of the time – but that’s not possible. Everyone makes mistakes (I’ve made too many to count!) and every parent will also have times when they are surprised by the choices others make about parenting. Is that such a bad thing? Can’t we honor, support, and respect that each mother is finding her own way to parent? The way that is the best for her child, even if it’s different from ours?

As a new mother, the unsolicited criticism and advice people gave me did a number on my confidence. I started to question myself more and had times when I was sure I was a horrible mother. I wish I had been better at deflecting comments that didn’t work for me, and filtering in the ones that fit.

So, if you can, try not to let others’ comments get to you. Believe me, I know it’s not easy. Be free to parent how you want and in a way that reflects the values and dreams you have for your family. Enjoy the independence that comes with parenting with an open heart. You will learn to tap into and trust your intuition more and more as your children grow.