Spit-up On My Shoulder

Welcome to part 3 of my interview with Eric Maisel, creativity coach and author of Ten Zen Seconds. Today we continue our discussion on how the Ten Zen Seconds’ (TZS) techniques can benefit you as a new parent.

TZS combines a deep, ten second breath with 1 of 12 powerful thoughts called incantations. I’ve been using the techniques for the last two weeks and have been blown away by their effectiveness in lowering my stress and increasing my producitivity. I hope you find they help you too.

We cover Incantations 7, 8, and 9 today.

MB: Incantation 7: I am free of the past: This is a great incantation for parents who want to avoid the negative patterns of their own upbringing, particularly if they come from an abusive home. I love the idea that this incantation opens you up to different choices and dispels that idea that there is only one right way to do things. Can you expand on that?

EM: We are often burdened by specific events from the past—the time that our mother called us “essentially boring,” or the time (among many others) that our father didn’t show up for our performance. These caustic events lurk in the very language we use to talk about ourselves, causing us to be much more self-unfriendly than we intend to or have any reason to be. We can also be more unfriendly toward and critical of others.

Using “I am free of the past” not only frees you from the past, it helps your newborn be free of your past.

MB. Incantation 8: I make my meaning: How can this incantation help in our relationships with our children?

EM: We can blame our newborn for our inability to get an hour of writing done on our novel, or we can take responsibility for getting to our novel as and when we can maybe by leaving the garden unweeded for another week or by not watching that much television.

The essence of “making meaning” is taking responsibility for doing those things that we deem meaningful, rather than blaming the universe that we can’t get to them. If you want to wait until your newborn is off to college before doing an array of meaningful things, that is your choice—but not a terrific one.

MB: Incantation 9: I am open to joy: Many new parents are caught off guard when they don’t feel the all-consuming joy that they expected to happen after their baby’s birth. Can this incantation help?

EM: The incantation does not demand that you experience joy, but rather that you are open to joy. This amounts to a reminder that joy doesn’t “just happen,” but rather occurs if and only if we orient toward it, want it, and agree that it is possible.

We can experience joy sitting in the park with our newborn, or we can think a hundred harried, worried thoughts. Reminding yourself that you would like to experience the joy that is entirely available to you at such a moment helps you transform moments that you might cherish into moments that you actually do cherish.

Next Time: Incantations 10-12 and wrap-up.

For the first two parts of this interview, use the following links:

Ten Zen Seconds Interview - Part 1

Ten Zen Seconds Interview - Part 2