Spit-up On My Shoulder

Welcome to Part 2 of my interview with Eric Maisel about his book Ten Zen Seconds. The Ten Zen Seconds (TZS) techniques have been so helpful to me that I wanted to share how you can use them too.

The TZS method involves combining a long, deep breath with 1 of 12 useful thoughts called incantations. It’s truly amazing the difference 10 seconds can make.

Today we are going to discuss Incantations 3 through 6.

MB: Incantation 3: I am doing my work: This is such a wonderful incantation for the often unappreciated work that comes with taking care of a baby. New parents might rephrase it as “I am raising my child.” Do you have other ideas of how they could phrase this incantation to value the important work they do?

EM: There are many reframes that are useful for the new parent. For instance, let’s say that your child is colicky and cranky and can’t sleep. Your thought might be, “Darn, this is terrible, I can hardly stand this.” Or you could put on some music and use the following version of Incantation 3: “I am dancing with my child.” In this way, my daughters learned, as infants, the entire soundtrack to Grease.

MB: Incantation 4: I trust my resources: Since new mothers often find themselves isolated and alone, how can they use this incantation to tap into their own or other’s resources?

EM: It is easy to doubt that you have the wherewithal to raise your baby, especially if you were raised by parents who didn’t excel at parenting. It is your choice to dwell on your insufficiencies or your strengths. If you opt for self-confidence and optimism, then “I trust my resources” is the phrase that will keep you pointed in the right direction.

So many doubts and worries arise during those first months of parenting that remembering to trust yourself may be one of your primary tasks. If you don’t decide to trust yourself, you’re likely to get really down on both your yourself and your situation.

MB: Incantation 5: I feel supported: This is a biggee for new parents! If they don’t get the support they need, it can lead to physical and emotional problems (like postpartum depression). I always encourage new parents to do whatever they can to get the support they need (the “It takes a village” concept).

What if a parent is starting off with little support? Can this incantation help?

EM: Especially coupled with Incantation 11, “I am taking action,” it certainly can. You want to use “I feel supported” as a classic affirmation, but you also want to use it to remind yourself that you want support, that you intend to ask for support, and that you will take action to look for support if not enough support is at hand.

“I feel supported” means both “I am supported” and “I intend to be supported,” and the latter is a call to action. At the same time, this incantation can help you feel more kindly toward the people around you, like your mate, parents, and in-laws. They may be trying to support you, but their efforts seem to fall short or rub you the wrong way. This incantation can help you feel a bit more generous toward them, which may be just what the doctor ordered.

MB: Incantation 6: I embrace the moment: As a new mother I felt too tired and stressed most of the time to embrace the moment. I regret all that I missed because of that. Is it possible to embrace the moment when you’re physically depleted?

EM: Yes, by making it an actual priority. Most people don’t embrace the present moment, whether they are tired or rested, because they don’t have a grip on their mind and are constantly “somewhere else.” Worrying about whether the diaper deliver truck is running late, whether to skip the play date, whether this is a night to bother to cook or to order in, and all the other “monkey mind” thoughts that plague people.

The issue isn’t so much fatigue, it’s a matter of basic orientation: do you want to be present, holding your baby, reveling in the moment, and calmly enjoying her, or do you want to be thinking about a million not-worth-thinking-about things? If you choose the former, then “I embrace the moment” is the incantation for you.

Next time: Incantations 7 – 9.