Spit-up On My Shoulder

After your baby arrives, you can easily get caught up in an onslaught of visitors. Everyone wants to see the baby right away, but be careful. Too many times I’ve seen new moms who wear themselves out entertaining guests for the first week or two. Then the guests leave at the same time that the partner has to get back to work. The mom is left exhausted and alone.

Instead, plan in advance to spread out your visitors. If your partner will be home for the first weeks, maybe your mother could come after he goes back to work, and then your mother-in-law, and so on. Plan for four to six weeks of hands-on help, or more, if possible.

Make sure to let anyone who comes over know that you won’t be playing hostess, but will need them to pitch in. One postpartum doula I know tells her clients’ visitors, “You can’t come see the baby unless you bring something in (like a meal), or take something out (like the trash.)” It gets the message across that help is expected.

You might want to have someone else arrange the visitor schedule. Maybe your partner, a friend, or a doula would like to do it. Many moms are too fatigued to deal with the extra pressure of being “up” for guests during the early weeks. Remember, this is your postpartum experience, your baby, and your family. It’s okay to say, “We’re not having visitors for awhile, but we’d love your help at a later time.”