Spit-up On My Shoulder

Did you see Oprah on Tuesday? I was hesitant to watch it because I am so tired (sick, actually) of the working mom/stay-at-home mom debate. I wish we would stop being so judgmental and trust that every mother will do what’s best for her family, even if she makes choices we wouldn’t make for ourselves.

I’ve run the career gamut since having kids: worked close to full-time, stayed at home full-time, and worked part-time. Each situation had its own benefits and challenges. It took me years to find out what works best for my family, and I struggled with guilt and doubt the whole way. Criticism didn’t help me during those struggles, but understanding sure did.

I also know I’ve been guilty of judging other women’s choices in the past, and I regret that.

Do you ever hear of a dad criticizing another dad’s work choices? Of course not. I don’t say this often, but we really need to be more like men on this one!

Also, can we please eliminate the phrase “working mother” from our vocabulary? All mothers work.

I did find some gems during the Oprah show that I’d like to share with you:

Oprah: “We need to get to a point where women respect other women’s decisions.”

Over 50% of mothers feel they are failing at motherhood. (How sad is that? It’s clear that women are taking all of this judgment to heart.)

Dr. Robin Smith (love her!): “You need to stop trying to make someone else’s way your way. Help other mothers walk their own journey into what it means to be a mother to them.”

Oprah: “It’s not about whether you stay home or not, it’s about your commitment to your children.”

Dr. Robin: “Guilt is there to teach us, not torture us. Ask yourself, what did I need to do that I didn’t do? Don’t put your guilt feelings onto your child. Pay attention to what you need and to what makes you feel alive.”

A new mom in the audience who changed her work plans shortly after giving birth: “Becoming a mother has been such a huge transition.”

Amen to that!